


The Heart of the Matter

by backtothestart02



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU, F/M, It's a Wonderful Life, Romance, life story, movie adapted fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backtothestart02/pseuds/backtothestart02
Summary: AU - When one night Barry Allen questions his own life, angel, HR, is shown highlights of Barry's life to see how to save him.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Jesse "Quick" Wells/Wally West
Comments: 11
Kudos: 18





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My Flash-adapted fic to the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". Some major changes, but a lot is straight from the movie. I hope you enjoy!

Cold. Ice cold. Freezing, whipping wind that burns every cut and scratch from the treacherous tree and from car parts that split open when crashed into wood. Snow, six inches deep, filling shoes and dampening pants. It falls and sets, and it isn’t beautiful? It’s horrid, like a nightmare. Just one more thing to confirm the necessity of what he already knew.

A gasp.

Trudge, slip, waving hands, frozen fingers, red cheeks, chattering teeth.

Cold…cold metal. A railing, columns.

The snow slows. It clears.

He can’t hear his breathing anymore. Only the sound of the rushing river beneath his feet.

He’s made it to the old town bridge.

“No, no, no, not yet! I’m not there yet!” sounds under a muttered breath a few yards away.

But Barry Allen doesn’t hear it. He’s too absorbed, looking too intently at the waves of water on this cold night, the night before Christmas. He doesn’t see the significance of it. All he can see is one option, one way to escape this living nightmare his life has become.

He grips the railing hard and starts to bend over. He’s tall, and it’s cold and icy and slippery, so he nearly loses his balance.

“No, no, no, stop it!” Comes louder, almost breaking Barry’s trance.

But it doesn’t break it, and he sees no other way.

The man jumps into the freezing water to trigger at Barry’s good heart, and the great starting point of their long adventure tonight.

“What were you thinking?” Barry asks, leading the man towards some cover after he’d jumped in and saved him.

“What was I, indeed?” he ponders, pulling a top hat out from under his sleeve and setting it on his head.

Barry blinks, beside himself.

“Who – What? Where did that-? Who are you?” he demands.

The man grins and crosses his arms cheerfully.

“HR Wells. At your service.”


	2. Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing.

_An hour earlier…_

Far, far away in the heavenly dimension unknown to humans before death, an excited HR Wells squirmed in his seat, ready to prepare for his newest assignment.

“Okay, so what are we watching? A movie?”

“Of sorts,” interrupted the ornery angel. “You want to know about a man’s life before you go to save him from the end of it, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I suppose so,” HR said, adjusting his top hat.

The other angel rolled his eyes, his wings fluffing in slight irritation.

Luckily, there was a third angel; a sweet, compassionate, patient angel that had been among the few humans to actually become an angel after dying. And she had a particular interest in this struggling human down on earth.

“Nora,” angel two whined, but she waved him off.

“Watch closely now, HR. You cannot understand a man fully until you see the moments in his life that shaped who he became.”

HR nodded dutifully.

“Before we begin, may I say you look absolutely shimmering today, Ms. Nora?”

She smiled and turned him towards the screen.

“The first memory we’re going to see is of that when Barry Allen was quite young. Just 10, I believe.”

HR squinted at the screen.

“And what is he doing?”

The ornery angel placed glasses over HR’s eyes.

“Can you see now?” he snarled, and Nora shot him a glare.

HR was oblivious to the tension.

“Oh, yes, quite clearly, thank you!” He paused and took in the scene before them all. “Why…is that Barry?”

“It is,” Nora confirmed. “He and his friends, Ralph, Cisco, Oliver, and Julian are going sledding down to the frozen over pond in Barry’s backyard.”

“Wait…now who’s that? The girl in the back.”

Nora smiled. “You’ll learn more about her later. She’s very important.”

…

The winter day was cold and crisp, but the boys were warm in their hats, coats, and gloves, and eager for a day of fun outside of school. One by one they jumped onto a sled and made their way down the slight declining hill to the frozen pond, each one trying to go faster and get closer to the hole in the ice without actually going down in it. They cheered each other on, laughing and smiling, taking turn after turn, when suddenly a girl stepped up at the top of the hill.

The boy’s eyes went wide.

“Hey, who invited the girl?”

“Yeah, what gives?”

“Go home!”

Tears welled up in the younger girl’s eyes, but she stood her ground, refusing to walk away just because they told her to.

Barry pushed past them, annoyed, but not for the same reason they were.

“Stop it, guys! No one says that about my baby sister!”

“Oh!” HR exclaimed, making the memory pause. “He has a sister?”

“Well –”

“She’s not his sister,” the ornery angel answered at the same time.

“She’s not?” HR asked, confused.

Nora’s gentle voice lulled the tension away.

“Her name is Jesse Wells.”

HR gasped. “Is she my sister? Or, my…” he lowered his voice. “Do I have a _daughter_?”

“No.” The ornery angel smacked his head. “Jesse is the daughter of Harrison and Tess Wells. They died in a car accident when she was only two years old, so the Allen family, being good friends of the couple, took her in. For Barry, she’s his sister, and no one ever says otherwise.”

“I see…”

“Keep watching, gentlemen,” Nora said, and the memory resumed.

“Come on, Barry,” Ralph complained. “She’s wearing a skirt. It’ll fly right up when she tries to come down!” The other boys laughed.

Jesse stomped at the top of the hills.

“I’m wearing leggings also!”

“There, you see. She’s wearing leggings,” Barry said. “Come on down, Jess! I’ll cheer for you, even if no one else does!” He glared at them all, and they looked away, ashamed.

“Jes-se, Jes-se, Jes-se!” Barry cheered, and Jesse grinned, climbing onto her little sled. Soon the other boys had joined in and were whistling and hollering as she came down the hill at full speed, laughing all the way.

That was, of course, until she went full speed past all of them and tipped into the hole in the ice on the far side of the little pond.

She screamed.

“Barry!” she cried, and he was over there in seconds, the rest of the boys hot on his tail. He dove in without thinking, and the others formed a human chain to pull them both out.

Jesse was crying and clutching at Barry when they got out. She held him as close as she could.

“Are you all right? Are you all right?” he asked her frantically.

She nodded. “I’m okay, Barry,” she said and snuggled close.

“You see, this is why girls don’t do boy things,” Ralph said, high and mighty and shaking his head.

To his great surprise though, everyone there turned and glared at him.

“Shut up, Ralph,” Cisco said, and to everyone’s great relief, he did. Even as his mouth was hanging open.

The memory paused again.

“That was a close one,” HR declared.

“Yes, it was,” Nora mused. “And little Barry didn’t come out of it completely unscathed.”

“What?” HR’s eyes widened.

The ornery angel seemed to have calmed down a bit and answered him.

“He developed an infection in his left ear from having dived into those icy waters and lost his hearing in it.”

“Oh, no!”

“It had some advantages,” Nora says, knowing the memory that was coming next.

The ornery angel rolled his eyes again, though not so severe.

“You’re such a romantic, Nora.”

She shrugged, and HR gasped.

“Is this about the other girl in the memory? The one way up on the far hill that never joined the boys or Jesse sledding?”

“It is indeed.” Nora smiled.

“What’s her name?” he asked, excitedly.

“Iris,” she said warmly. “Iris Ann West.”

“A beautiful name,” HR marveled.

Nora nodded in agreement.

“She loved my sweet boy from the moment she laid eyes on him at five years old. It is her prayers that were heard the loudest.”

“Wait…your –?”

“Yes.” Nora felt a tear well up in her eye. “Barry Allen is my son.”

…

The next memory began to play.

In the scene was a sweet-looking girl sitting on a stool in what appeared to be an ice cream shop.

Well, at least part of it was. Another section was a shoe parlor and candy shop. And in the very back was a makeshift lab for a delivery pharmacy. Mr. Singh was a man of many talents.

Iris was sitting all by her lonesome, her dark curls bouncing whenever she turned her head. Her warm, brown eyes appeared piercingly beautiful to anyone who looked at her, especially when she wore lighter colors like the yellow, lace dress she was wearing today. Her shiny white shoes hardly had a scratch on them.

Moments later, a 13-year-old Barry Allen skipped into the shop. He called into the back to inform his boss about his arrival, and then slid an apron over his head.

Before he was fully ready to serve any customers though, in walked Linda Park. Strictly speaking, she wasn’t any prettier than Iris, sitting there alone on her stool, waiting for Barry Allen to make his appearance so she could be near him. But she had confidence, and that alone drew the boys to her the older she got. She didn’t have the slightest idea what she wanted in life, but she liked the attention she got, and so sought it without looking desperate and achieved it every time. It was always a good kind of attention.

“Hey, Barry,” she cooed, popping up onto a stool beside Iris’.

“Huh?” He turned to look at her where he stood in the doorway between the back room and the store area. “Oh, hi, Linda. Here for some ice cream?”

“What else could I be here for?” she asked, setting her chin in her hand and smiling prettily.

He shrugged. “Well, I don’t know. Iris was here when I walked in the door.”

He walked away to find the ice cream scoop and Linda’s gaze followed his movements.

“I like him,” she confided to Iris.

Iris would’ve tensed up, but it was hardly the first time Linda had made her affections known, and not just about Barry either.

“You like every boy,” she said, crossing one knee over the other.

Linda turned to look at her over her shoulder.

“What’s wrong with that?”

Iris kept her comments to herself, but she struggled hiding a smile when after Barry had gotten her the ice cream she ordered, he told her bye right away, just as she’d opened her mouth to flirt some more. Surprised and irritated, she frowned, jumped down and grabbed her ice cream before strutting out the door.

Now alone with Barry, Iris felt unspeakably nervous.

“Have you decided what you want?” Barry asked, folding his arms on the countertop and looking her in the eye, completely unaware of how fast her heart was racing.

“I…uh…” She cleared her throat.

“How about chocolate chip cookie dough with sprinkles? That’s my favorite right now.”

He was practically salivating as he said it, probably planning to buy some for himself as soon as his shift was over. But Iris – and she’d come to regret this later – did not immediately cater to Barry’s suggestion in order to keep his attention.

She tucked her feet into the rings on the stool and leaned over to see the flavors.

“What about that green one?” She pointed to the far left. “I haven’t tried that one yet.”

“Mint chip?” he asked, and she nodded, her eyes lighting up.

“Yeah, I guess that one’s all right too,” he allowed, and hurried to give her the scoop. “Better than plain old vanilla, anyway.”

She paid for her dessert and started to eat it in front of him, hoping beyond all hope that maybe he’d keep talking to her.

“You know, one day I’m gonna get out of this place.”

Her heart leapt into her throat.

“Yeah? Where will you go?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere!” He pulled out some papers from a cubby hole beneath the counter. “I’m an honorary member of the National Geographic Society, you know. I’ve got books and magazines and posters. I want to see the world! And then I want to design it.”

“Design it?” She frowned, though she was already incredibly thrilled he was still talking to her.

“Yeah, like an archi… archi…” He frowned, unsure of the word now.

“Architect?” she offered, and this time his eyes lit up.

“Yes, that’s it! I’m going to design bridges and skyscrapers a thousand stories high….”

“A thousand?” Her eyes widened.

“Well, maybe not that many,” he allowed. “But I still want to see everything. I want to be a part of something big, Iris. Really big. I want my life to matter. And it’s not going to if I stay here in Central Hills.”

Barry looked down and saw a coin on the floor.

“Oh, shoot, I forgot to give you all your change.”

He started to bend down to reach for it, and Iris rose up in her seat. Testing, she directed her face towards what she hoped was his deaf ear.

“Is this your bad ear?” she asked softly, and when he made no reply, she assumed it was. Swallowing hard, she made her vow, too chicken to say it so he could hear. “I love you, Barry Allen. I’ll love you till the day I die.”

“Ah, here you go,” he said, proudly handing her the penny before she could sit herself back down again. Their faces were inches apart, and he found himself briefly lost for words. “What are you doing way over here, Iris?” he asked – and was that blush in his cheeks?

“I…um…wanted to…uh…”

“See if I was telling the truth?” he asked, feeling slightly annoyed.

She sat back down. “I just thought you gave me all my change is all.”

“Oh.”

She closed her fingers over the penny now in her hand.

“I’m sure you’re right, though. Thank you, Barry.”

He nodded and took a step back, still feeling awfully confused but not wanting to show it.

“You’re welcome.”

…

After Iris left, Barry heard what he thought was soft sniffling nearby. He turned around to follow the sound and found it was coming from Mr. Singh in the backroom. He stood there amongst capsules, trying to fill them and crying.

Barry turned away, not wanting to get caught by the man who was so prone to yelling at him for obscure reasons. He licked his lips and tried to think of a reason why probably the least emotional man he’d ever met had been brought to tears.

Scanning the room, he caught sight of a letter. As inconspicuously as he could, he grabbed hold of it and moved so he was out of sight from the back room. It was addressed to Mr. Singh, as he thought it would be, and it detailed that his son had been killed in combat overseas. Barry didn’t even know there was a war going on, but he suddenly understood how a man even as stoic as Mr. Singh could be brought to tears.

Taking a deep breath, he set the letter back where he’d found it and cautiously entered the back room.

“Mr. Singh?”

He didn’t answer him, but he made a valiant effort to stop sniffling.

“Mr. Singh, sir, I…I saw the letter.”

He stilled and turned to look at him.

“I’m so sorry, sir…about your son.”

Mr. Singh looked about to yell at him, but at the last second stopped himself. Instead he turned to finish filling his capsules with what Barry alarmingly saw was poison! His mouth fell open.

“Sir!”

“Here.” He shoved the bottle of capsules at him. “Take these to Mrs. Ramon. She’s waiting for them.”

He could barely form a coherent thought.

“Sir, I know you’re sad, but-”

“I said, GO!”

Barry scrambled out of there so fast he didn’t even hear the curse delivered from his boss.

.

Once outside and a few blocks away, Barry tried to sort out the situation in his head. He couldn’t imagine Mr. Singh deliberately trying to poison Mrs. Ramon as a way to channel his grief. He just couldn’t. Mr. Singh was a good, decent man, even if he was sometimes harsh with him. Barry refused to believe he’d intentionally set out to hurt someone like that. The only alternative then was that it had been a mistake, that he’d confused the medicine with the poison amidst his sniffling and hadn’t thought twice when handing the capsules over to Barry.

It was a tricky spot to be in. There was no question but that he couldn’t give the pills to Mrs. Ramon. She might die! And it would be all his fault, because he _knew_ before it happened. But Mr. Singh was in no mind to listen to his plea that he was in the wrong.

There was only one person that could help him out at a time like this and give him really sound advice.

The owner of Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan, his father, Henry Allen.

Unfortunately for him, as soon as he arrived at the business, he was informed by his uncle, who held a smaller stake in the business, that his father was a very important meeting with Mr. Devoe.

Barry shuddered at the name.

Mr. Devoe was the meanest – and richest – man in town. He was cruel and heartless and bitter because Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan was the sole place in all of Central Hills that he hadn’t been able to get his hands on, and so was unable to snatch the customers away from.

Barry didn’t know what the meeting was about, but he was almost certain Mr. Devoe was badgering his father about some thing or another, and he wouldn’t stand for it. As soon as the coast was clear, he snuck into his office – all thought of asking for advice regarding Mr. Singh and the poisoned capsules gone from his mind – and promptly started yelling at Mr. Devoe before he could keep tearing into Henry Allen.

His father was forced to escort him out of his office, of course, promising to speak with him later. Not in a punishing sort of way, because he likely sensed Barry had come to speak with him for some reason or other, but in a gentle I’m-busy-right-now sort of way. It told Barry all he needed to know about how to handle his situation that had returned to the forefront of his mind.

.

It was quite a way from his father to his summer job, so Barry prepared himself for a berating of his own from Mr. Singh. He could only hope that in the end he would accept his explanation kindly, and that all would be well as soon as realized the error of his ways.

But he knew it wouldn’t go easily when he heard the tail end of a phone call as he arrived. One in which Mrs. Ramon was complaining about not getting her pills yet. Mr. Singh coolly said they would be delivered soon and were surely on route, but his gaze shifted to deadly when he caught Barry’s eyes, and Barry feared the worst.

The phone hit its base with a slam.

“Why doesn’t Mrs. Ramon have her pills?” he demanded. “I sent you away with them an hour ago!”

“Please, Mr. Singh, sir, I can explain.”

“What is there to explain?” He growled, walking towards him. “You deliberately disobeyed me.” He smacked the side of his face.

“Please don’t do that, sir!” Barry cried. “That’s my sore ear!”

“Your sore- Why did you do it?” He smacked it again, causing Barry to dissolve into sniffles of his own. This was worse than he’d expected.

“You put poison in!” he protested. “Not medicine, poison! I couldn’t give it to her. I just couldn’t!”

Mr. Singh stopped. He obviously didn’t want to believe this adolescent, who he found so unnerving much of the time, but something about the tone of his voice told him he was maybe telling the truth.

He snatched the pill bottle out of his hands and split a capsule open. He took a whiff of the inside and all color drained from his face.

“I know you’re sad, Mr. Singh, sir. It’s okay to be sad, but please don’t-” Mr. Singh straightened and came towards him again. “Please don’t hit me again, sir! Please! I won’t tell a soul. I know it was an accident! You didn’t mean to hurt poor Mrs. Ramon.”

“Oh, Barry.” He fell down onto his knees and hugged his assistant closely. “Barry, I’m so sorry. So sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Singh, sir. I won’t tell a soul.” He hugged him back, his arms wrapped tight around his neck.

The memory paused.

“And did he ever tell?” HR asked, looking up at Nora inquisitively.

“He never did,” she said, then smiled wistfully. “My Barry never told a soul.”


	3. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing.

A flurry of memories flew by on the film, but before HR could ask why they were skipping so many, Nora broke in with her beautiful narrator’s voice.

“Years passed, and Barry Allen grew up. He took up a position at his father’s Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan after high school, so he could save up money to go to college and a trip around the world before that. He wanted to see it all and do it all, and as a mother, well…I wanted it all for him.”

The film paused on Barry’s adult face.

“Is that him?” HR asked.

“Yes, it is,” Nora said warmly. “Just 21 years old. Can you believe it?”

“Twenty-one…” he repeated. “That’s a good face for 21.”

The ornery angel rolled his eyes.

“You were saying, Nora?” he drawled.

“Yes, of course. This here is a big day for Barry. He’s looking to buy a suitcase for his travels…and here, look, Mr. Singh bought him the biggest one and had his name embroidered on it.”

“What a guy!” HR declared.

“Yes, indeed. And see, here he’s talking with old friends.”

“He’s pretty popular, that Barry.”

“Mhmm. And here…well, here’s Linda.”

“Wow! What a looker! That dress is-”

“Yes, she’s pretty, alright. And I’m afraid to say my baby boy fell victim to her charms just like every other hopeless fool in town.”

“But…But what about Iris? Doesn’t he end up with her?” HR frowned, and Nora smiled.

“Just wait and see.”

Nora went quiet and the film resumed.

.

Dancing around with Barry in her room upstairs, Jesse was all giggles and stolen champagne as they celebrated her high school graduation.

“Can you believe it, Barry? Can you really believe I did?”

Barry snorted, even as he danced and downed some champagne himself.

“Are you kidding, Jess? You’re 10 times smarter than I am. You’re 16 and graduated! You’re going to knock ‘em dead in college.”

She sobered up a bit.

“When I _get_ there.”

“Hey now, it’s just a little over four years.”

“But in the meantime, I have to work in that shabby, little office where Dad does. Barry, you can’t stand it either!”

He ran his hands down her arms and took her hands in his.

“Let’s not think about that tonight, okay? I promise I’ll get through school as quick as I possibly can, so your genius mind can flourish.” He leaned in when her mood didn’t appear to change. “You’re graduated, Jess, remember? And you look absolutely beautiful.”

Despite herself, Jesse lit up.

“I do look pretty stunning, don’t I?” She spun a bit in her dress.

“The most stunning,” he assured her.

“Prettier than Linda?” she dared, and to his chagrin he hesitated a moment too long.

“Who’s Linda?” he asked, with a grin, saving himself.

She smacked him lightly, and they began to dance again, until their mother called for dinner, and they regretfully had to put a stop to their celebrations to go down and eat.

Barry came down the stairs first and held out his arm in a low bow for Jesse to follow.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…Jesse Quick.”

“Quick, huh?” Nora raised her eyebrows. “If you’d taken any longer, your father and I would be old and gray.”

Henry Allen reached up to touch his own hair, covering the bits of gray that were starting to show through.

“That’s on me, mom, not Jess.” Barry turned and winked at Jesse. “Besides, doesn’t she look beautiful?”

Jesse blushed a little and Nora nodded.

“She does.” She went over to the young girl and cupped her face in her hands. “My shining star.”

“Mom,” Jesse choked, her voice thick with emotion.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” HR said, causing Nora to stop the film.

“I thought Jesse wasn’t her- your daughter. Doesn’t she… _know_ that?”

“She knows.” Nora nodded. “But she was also very young when she came to live with us.”

“You’re the only mother she really knew?” HR asked.

“Two years old is a young age to lose both parents.”

HR sighed, now depressed.

“Okay, enough frowns, you guys,” the ornery angel surprisingly interrupted, picking up the remote. “Let’s watch what comes next.”

The film resumed.

“Jesse, darling, are you staying for dinner or going ahead to the party? I haven’t seen you eat a thing since breakfast.”

“Well, I’ve been busy, mom…graduating.” She smiled and snatched up a couple carrots from the dish in the center of the table.

“Yes, I know, honey, but-”

“Aww, mom, she’ll be all right. Won’t you, Jess?”

“Mhmm. They’ll have snacks there.”

“You see, mom. They’ll have snacks there.”

Nora’s thick frown disappeared in a heartbeat, and she laughed.

“Oh, you two.” She shook her head. “Give me a hug and a kiss, Jesse, and then go have fun. Don’t come back until you have!”

She grinned widely, then did as she was told and followed suit with Henry.

“Thanks, guys.” She turned towards Barry. “Are you coming later?”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“Linda will probably be there.” She winked.

Barry turned a bright red. “Why…why would that matter to me?”

Jesse laughed and reached for her jacket.

“I’ll see you later.”

HR ripped the remote from the ornery angel’s hand and paused the film again, huffing dramatically.

“Barry is supposed to end up with Iris.”

“Patience-”

“He _will_ -”

Nora turned and glared at the other angel, who had the decency to pale.

“Sorry.” He paused. “But he does.”

“Are there no surprises anymore?”

There was a moment of silence, then HR turned to the other angel.

“He does, though?”

All previous attitude disappeared, and the angel genuinely smiled.

“He does.”

Nora stole back the remote and pressed play.

“Watch,” she ordered, and the two focused back on the screen.

Silence fell in the Allen household as Nora tended to the rest of the food in the kitchen. Henry broached the subject he’d long waited to, always searching for the perfect moment. But he knew there would be no perfect moment. No time when his son would show enthusiasm for what he was about to propose. Still, it had to be said. He could only hope that in this moment Barry would see the light, see things the way his father did and follow that dream instead.

“Barry, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yeah, dad? What is it?” He inhaled a mouthful of food and chewed quietly.

“Well, first of all, I’m going to miss you. I’m happy for you and your travels, following your dream, but I will miss you.”

“Aww, dad, it’ll only be a few months. Then I’ll be back attending college right here in town.”

“Mm.”

He knew it was a risk, but Barry asked it anyway, “What?”

“Well, it’s just…Jesse’s so young to be filling your shoes at the family business while you’re away and then at college. I wish…I wish you could take her to college with you.”

“They’d swallow her alive, Dad. She’s only 16, like you said. Besides, the _Building and Loan_ is a great job…for her. It’ll teach her…life skills. That’s something you don’t learn in high school.”

Henry raised his eyebrows.

“For the most part,” he muttered.

“Do you really feel that way, son?”

“Well, I suppose you learn _some_ life skills in high schoo-”

“No, not about that. About the business. You think it’s a good job?”

“Well…sure, Dad. For some people. For Jesse maybe, even though she doesn’t think so right now,” he said without thinking.

“Ah.”

“Dad, it’s not that- We’re cut from the same cloth in a way. But Jesse will learn to love it. She doesn’t have big dreams like I do. She just wants to be able to use her smarts wherever she ends up. I think she can do that there.”

“Mmm.”

“You have big dreams, Barry… to see the world, to build things that can’t be built in this little town.”

“I want to be a part of something big. Calculating numbers and living out of a shabby office, that- Well, I mean…that’s not what I mean…I-”

“I know, Barry. I know. I was only hoping…you might consider taking the business for me when you finish college.”

Barry was shell-shocked and hurt by the pressure he felt welling up in him. And yet, the thought of disappointing his father so gravely hurt too.

“Dad, I…can’t.”

Henry nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“I understand.”

Barry swallowed hard.

“You’re the best man I know,” he said, and Henry looked up at him.

“Thank you, son. That means a lot.”

He paused a beat, then slipped in his escape.

“I think I’m going to go to Jesse’s party.”

Henry forced a smile. “Have a good time, son.”

Barry got to his feet and put away his dishes, but he couldn’t bring himself to do any more than kiss his mother goodbye before heading out the door.

…

As soon as Barry stepped foot in the covered swimming pool-turned dance floor room of Central Hills high, he was transported to another time and place. As people mingled to talk and drink and dance, all his worries concerning his father and his career and the rest of his life flitted away. To improve his spirits even more, Barry spotted his whole gang of friends – who had either come with younger dates or crashed the party just for kicks.

“Cisco!” he called out immediately when he saw him.

“Hey, Barry,” Cisco replied gleefully, receiving him warmly when he joined him.

“Barry?” Ralph asked.

“Hey, Ralph! Where’s Julian?”

“Oh, brooding over Caitlin by the drinks. Can you blame him?”

Barry’s brows furrowed.

“No, what happened?”

“Well, he deliberately went to the same college as her, hoping she’d ‘see the light’ and give him a chance. Yeah, and? Did she?”

“What do you think?” came a deep voice, and they all turned to see Oliver coming over with a pretty brunette on his arm.

“Oliver!” They all cheered, politely smiling and nodding when he introduced his girlfriend, Laurel, to them.

Out of nowhere, Linda butt in, her dance card in hand.

“Well, hello, fellas. Gossiping, are we?”

“Linda.” Barry’s eyes went wide.

“Hello, Barry.” She smiled prettily. Her dress was form-fitting and her make-up enhanced her eyes and lips. She was riveting.

“Hello!” he said a little too loudly, and her pretty smile turned smug.

“You know, I still have room on my dance car-”

“Barry! Barry!”

From a little distance came the kid that had been homeschooled all his life until middle school. It turned out he was incredibly good at sports and practically a genius intellectually. Barry and his friends had taken to him right away in their senior year when they met in all the same after school extra curriculars. He was the runt of the group, but they’d all adopted him in their own way, and they all called out his name happily as he approached.

“Wally!”

“Hey, guys!” He came up and side-hugged each of them. He had to be the youngest guy in the whole room, but he didn’t seem to mind, and no one else did either.

“We’ve missed you, Wally,” Barry said.

“I’ve been here the whole time,” he said, teasing the man towering over him. After a beat, he continued, “Say, Barry. You remember my big sister, Iris, right?”

Barry’s brows furrowed, trying to remember. Vaguely he recalled a dark-skinned, curly raven-haired girl from his youth.

“Uh…yeah, I think I do. Why?”

“Well, she’s here tonight, and it would just mean so much if you could steal her away from her awful date and dance with her.”

Barry winced. “Now, Wally, I love ya, man, but…I barely know, Iris. I don’t really want to spend my ti-”

“Aww, come on, Barry. Be a good sport. It’s only one dance.”

He was still wary, but all his friends were starting to drift away to dance as well, leaving him alone with Linda and a Wally who would surely come back disappointed if he saw him dancing with anyone that wasn’t his sister.

“You know you don’t have to, Barry,” Linda said, luring him towards her so they were nearly flush up against each other. “I’m right here, and I have no one to dance with.”

“I…I’m sure you could find someo-”

“But you’re the one I want.” She batted her eyelashes.

He gulped, growing weak in the knees. Linda had always been very affectionate and flirtatious with him, but this was a whole other level.

“Hey, Barry!” Wally called out again, and Barry sighed, turning to look in the direction the voice was coming from.

Time stopped. Life as he knew it disintegrated into oblivion. It was if a spotlight shown down on Iris West. He couldn’t see a single other person in the room. Even Linda’s protests fell on deaf ears.

Was that really _Iris_?

He waded through the crowd until he reached her. When their eyes first locked, she looked incredibly flustered, but it looked adorable on her because she was so beautiful that he was only more entranced.

“This is Iris, Barry,” Wally announced, though it was clear the two of them weren’t really hearing anything anyone else was saying.

“Hello, Iris.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.

Iris herself was practically in shambles.

“Hello, Barry.”

“May I have this dance?” He smiled tenderly, invading her personal space.

Iris could hardly breathe, but she was aware of a particularly annoying sound in her left ear.

Oh, right. The date she’d been stuck with because she’d had no one else to go with except her baby brother. Her “date”, if you could call him that, was nerdy and annoying, and she had only barely been tolerating him so as not to come across mean.

“You may.” She smiled and let him lead her away.

“Hey! Now, wait just a minute! She’s _my_ date! You can’t just-”

Wally nonchalantly walked by and stomped on his foot before discreetly melting into the crowd again.

“Who did that? Who did that?” The abandoned date spun around, accusing any potential male who so much as glanced in his direction.

By the time he decided to abandon his search, Barry and Iris were far, far away, melting into each other on the other side of the dance floor.

“You look at me as if you don’t know me,” Iris said, drowning herself in his eyes.

“I don’t,” he said on half-laugh.

“Sure you do. I used to come by your ice cream shop every day after school and during the summer.”

He shook his head, smiling.

“That was someone else. That was…that was a little girl. You’re no little girl, Iris West.”

Heat flooded her cheeks from the awe in his voice and the heated look in his eyes.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Barry Allen. I am and always have been Iris West.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he murmured and pulled her into a slow dance.

Just as his hand was slipping down her back to rest at her waist, making Iris so completely weak in the knees and wondering how she had lived before this moment, the music abruptly switched to an upbeat tune and Barry dropped his arms to his side.

“I’m not good with this kind of dancing,” Barry said, blushing.

Iris didn’t think she’d ever seen him blush.

“Then how about I show you,” she suggested with a wink and pulled him to her, intertwining their fingers and moving her feet quickly in a particular pattern. To her great relief and excitement, he copied the pattern, only tripping over his feet a few times. She giggled to herself.

“I suck at this.”

She shook her head, laughing. “You don’t.”

He untangled one of his hands from her, momentarily worrying her, but then he spun her away and into him and held her in place.

“You’re so beautiful, Iris. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

“Barry, I…”

But whatever she would’ve said went unanswered, as the floor opened up beneath them and they fell into the now-uncovered high school swimming pool.

…

If you had told Iris West when she was 12 years old that at 18 she’d be spending the evening with Barry Allen, she probably wouldn’t have believed you. But now, hours after attempting to continue dancing with him in the swimming pool, soaking their clothes in the process and laughing as if they were kids again, she was prone to believe anything was possible.

Walking down the street now – her in a robe, him in mismatched clothes he found in the boys’ locker room – Barry gave her a devilish grin and began again with the Disney song he’d caught her requesting at the end of the night.

“I know you…” He skipped ahead of her and walked backwards slowly, extending his arms to her. “I walked with you once upon a dream.”

Smiling, and so helplessly in love, Iris grabbed his hands with the tips of her fingers.

“I know you…” She sang. “That gleam in your eyes seems so familiar to me.”

He spun her towards him and held her against his body, rocking her back and forth as her face pressed against his cheek.

“And I know it’s true,” he sang. “That visions are seldom what they seem.” He spun her away, never letting go of her hand. “But if I know you…”

“I know what you’ll do,” Iris joined in. “You’ll love me at once. The way you did once upon a dream…”

When they finished, they were close together again, clasping each other’s hands and looking deep into each other’s eyes, their lips inches apart, barely breathing.

“Oh, look! Look at that old house!”

Iris turned around reluctantly.

“Me and the guys used to throw a rock at the glass after we made a wish. If we hit the glass, our wish was bound to come true.”

“Oh, don’t throw rocks at that house, Barry.” She pulled his arm down just as he’d started to lift it. “I love that house. I wish I lived there.”

“Lived there? But it’s…it’s an abandoned, spooky mansion.”

“No, it’s lovely and romantic…a historic relic made for the movies.”

He shook his head at her, entranced but not dissuaded.

He threw his rock at a window on the second floor and it smashed threw into the old room.

“Would you look at that? My wish is going to come true! I knew it would.”

“And what did you wish for, Barry?”

“I wished for my future, Iris. I’m going to explore and build and make a lifetime of memories away from this crummy old town.”

Iris’ shoulders slumped in disappointment, but before Barry could notice, she threw her own rock and it smashed into a glass window on the first floor.

“Hey, that’s pretty good.” Barry smiled proudly at her. “What did you wish for?”

She started humming the Disney tune again and walked further down the road.

“Aww, come on, Iris. Tell me what you wished for!”

She stopped, making him do the same, and looked up into his eyes.

“And I know it’s true…that visions are seldom what they seem…” she sang softly.

“But if I know you,” he sang.

“I know what you’ll do,” she returned. “You’ll love me at once…the way you did-”

“Once upon a dream,” he finished.

The wind whistled around them, ruffling their hair, shutting out the entire world but each other.

“Iris…”

“Barry…”

“What do you want, Iris?”

She tilted her head in confusion, having nearly forgotten about the wish.

“What do you want?” he asked again. This time he broke his gaze with her to look towards the sky. “Do you want the moon?” He paused to think about it and look up at its brilliance. “Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll give you the moon.”

She smiled wide, happier than she’d ever been. She turned to look at the moon too.

“I’ll take it.” She glanced back at him. “How will you get it for me, though?”

“Oh, I’ll lasso it, of course. Barry Allen lasso extraordinaire, haven’t you heard of me?”

She giggled. “Not that part.”

“Oh, well, you should see me…”

“Maybe you’ll show me sometime.”

He stopped and looked at her, just looked at her, amazed by her beauty and how magnetically he was drawn to her.

“Maybe I will.”

She bit her bottom lip.

“So, what happens next?”

“Next?”

“With the moon.”

“Oh. Well, you’d swallow it whole.”

Her eyes widened. “I would?”

“Not like…like eating it, Iris, I mean…” He licked his lips, trying to think of how to backtrack out of the pit he’d fallen into. “I mean…your skin would absorb it. Yeah, that’s right. Your skin would! And it would glow, and light would spread to your toes and your fingertips and it would light up every hair on your head until you looked like an angel.”

Iris was breathless from the description.

“I’m not talking too much, am I?” He frowned.

She laughed, was about to say ‘no’, when a nearby eavesdropper yelled out a frantic ‘yes!’

Barry and Iris turned to look at the frustrated gentleman sitting out on his porch.

“Just kiss her already instead of talking her to death!”

Iris gasped. She didn’t mind one bit all the talking Barry was doing. She was mesmerized by it, in fact. But…a kiss? It was what she’d always dreamt of.

“You want me to kiss her?” Barry called back as if he hadn’t heard, when Iris knew for a fact his deaf ear had been facing the other direction.

The disgruntled man grew more so, mumbling something and then going inside his house.

“Now, what was that all about?” he asked Iris, and she shrugged helplessly.

Before any continued conversation could continue or restart however, a car drove up, honking its horn madly.

“Barry! Barry!” Cisco popped his head out of the front passenger window.

“Cisco? What’s going on?”

“It’s your mother!” he shouted, looking down briefly to unlock the back door of the car.

“My mother… What about her?”

“She’s been shot!” Ralph said from the driver’s seat.

“Shot!”

“They’re rushing her to the hospital right now, come on!”

Barry turned to Iris.

“I’m sorry, Iris, I gotta go.”

“No, it’s fine, go.”

She would hardly keep him here on her account.

Though, it was a little saddening that he left with little more than a wave.

Iris now forgotten, Barry asked what happened once inside the car.

“Was it a burglary or something? I can’t imagine anyone shooting my mother on purpose. She’s… I mean…”

Cisco and Ralph were silent in the front seat.

“You guys aren’t telling me something. What is it?” he demanded.

Cisco gulped. “They saw they caught the shooter already, Barry.”

His eyes went wide. “Well, that’s a relief at least. Why do you look so depressed? Who is it? Who did they catch?”

Cisco and Ralph shared a look, then Cisco said, “Your father.”


	4. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a long wait, I know...but a longer chapter! I hope you will enjoy it! :D
> 
> Many thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing.

Ralph sped as fast as he could to the hospital on the far side of town, but by the time Barry had raced inside and gotten to his mother’s side, she was seconds away from taking her last breath.

“Mom?” he said softly, coming down to kneel beside her. He took her hand in his own. “Mom, it’s me. It’s Barry.”

Her gaze was hazy, traveling around the room aimlessly.

“Barry?”

“I’m right here, Mom.” He patted her hand and finally she found him.

“Barry,” she said, overjoyed. “Oh, Barry, my baby.”

“Tell me what happened,” he implored. “I know Dad couldn’t have done this. I know it.”

Nora shook her head, tears seeping out and falling down her pale cheeks.

“He didn’t,” she assured. “He didn’t mean…” Her eyes rolled back.

“Mom? Mom!”

“Love you, Barry,” she breathed, and then she was gone.

Seconds later, Jesse burst through the door, her hair gone a bit wild from dancing and a punch stain on her dress.

“Mom?”

Barry looked up at her with tear-stained cheeks. He shook his head.

“Oh, no!” She shook her head, sobbing, and Barry got to her before she collapsed onto the floor.

“She’s gone, Jess,” he said, holding her close. “She’s gone.”

“Where’s Dad?” she asked when she could finally lift her head from soaking his shirt. “Why isn’t he here?”

And Barry couldn’t bear to tell her the terrible truth, so he held her close and she willingly caved to his embrace, wracking out more sobs and shaking in his embrace.

Cisco and Ralph walked in a while later, and Wally too, who offered to take Jesse for a walk after handing her a single rose in offering for her sadness. He draped his suit jacket over her shoulders and nodded to Barry before heading down the hall with his baby sister.

“I should…call our grandparents. Or at least Mom’s parents. They should know,” he said, swallowing hard as his friends stood there saying nothing, hardly knowing what to say.

“I can do that,” came a soft voice from the doorway.

They all turned and saw Iris standing there, now in regular clothes and not a bathrobe. Tears stained her cheeks too, so she must’ve found out before entering the room.

Barry shook his head. “You don’t have to do that, Iris. And you shouldn’t. It should come from me. I’m their grandson. I-”

Iris crossed the room and took his hand in her own.

“Please, Barry. Let me do this.”

“No.” He shook his head again, faster this time, almost violently.

Iris squeezed his hand to calm him.

“Then let me be here with you when you do it.”

He sighed shakily and reluctantly nodded.

“Okay.”

…

The trial for Henry Allen in the murder of his wife went on for what felt like an eternity.

Barry’s testimony that his parents were a loving, married couple who hardly ever fought and that even on Nora’s deathbed she’d said he didn’t do it fell on deaf ears. The justification being, of course, that no one else had seen or heard what Nora said, and that Nora adding ‘mean’ to her second statement implied that Henry had done it. It just hadn’t been premeditated.

Barry suspected Devoe had bribed much of the jury to vote against his father and so discredit his business and anyone who came to his defense and was in fact related, but there was nothing to be done.

Henry Allen was sent to prison for life, and no one but his son and adopted daughter visited him.

Jesse visited a lot at first, but then it became too painful for her to be constantly reminded of the death of the only mother she knew – especially when the man who she’d called Dad her entire life was now incarcerated for her death.

“I need to get away, Barry…from…from all of this. I need to _breathe_ again.”

And so, Barry nodded and gave her the money he’d saved up for his own college tuition.

“Go on then, Jess. I’ll save the family business, put Dad’s affairs in order, and save up money for me to go as soon as you graduate.”

She nodded. “I’ll take over the business then. I promise, Barry. I won’t leave you here forever.”

“Oh, Jess.” And he pulled her close, holding her tightly. “I know you won’t. Now, go. Live your dream.”

She smiled weakly and prepared her things. A week later she was gone, and Barry was left to make sure Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan didn’t fall into decay as a direct result of the family tragedy. As soon as everything was in order and his uncle could get another partner to continue with him, Barry would lessen his role to save up for college. As soon as Jesse returned, he would be able to continue the life he’d dreamed of since as far back as he could remember.

Because by the time she returned, Barry swore – to himself and no one else – their father would be a free man.

…

A year passed, and Barry spent every waking moment either putting his father’s business affairs in order or trying to track down his mother’s real killer. He was a walking machine, focusing whole-heartedly on both goals and paying little attention to much else. So much so that when the time came for a final board meeting at Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan, he stayed silent nearly the entire time, his head someplace else. Always someplace else.

He nodded as other board members thanked him for staying on and helping get everything in order. But he couldn’t - absolutely couldn’t - stay quiet when Mr. Devoe started blaspheming his father, the business, and the need to eliminate it.

“Now wait just a minute.”

Everyone turned to look at Barry.

“The trial aside, I know my father wasn’t much of a businessman. He was more concerned with helping people than making a profit. But what’s wrong with that? The amount of deception and underhanded profiting Mr. Devoe here makes through his own business ventures is deplorable.”

“And whether you believe my father is innocent or not,” he continued, “You can’t deny all the good he did while he was running this business. No one who he ever helped would say anything different. So, don’t turn this business aside. Don’t run it into the ground or let Devoe take a hold of it and change it into…” He trailed off and shook his head. “Don’t do it.”

Aggravated by what was happening and how so many years of good work by an innocent, honest, hard-working man were being thrown away by the most corrupt man in town, after a few more spirited remarks, Barry left the small room in which the meeting was taking place.

He was set to visit his mother’s crime scene again, and he was not going to miss his mark this time. He was going to find a clue.

But before he could leave, his uncle rushed out to stop him.

“What is it?” He turned around roughly, unable to get out of his own mood at first. “What is it?” he asked, softer this time.

“They’ve put it to a vote, Barry. Allen Brothers’ Building and Loan stays.”

“Well, that’s great,” he said, feeling a little better but still in a hurry.

“ _On the condition_ that you stay and run it.”

Barry froze.

“Otherwise it goes to Devoe…”

 _Who will destroy it without a second thought_ , Barry thought to himself, and knew exactly what he had to do.

He had to stay.

He had to run the business.

If he didn’t, there wouldn’t be a single safe place in town people could go to where they wouldn’t be screwed over by Devoe in the process.

And how could he let the entire town down just because he had dreams he wanted to fulfill? Surely, they weren’t more important than saving all the people he’d known and grown up around his entire life.

With a heavy sigh, he nodded.

“Okay,” he said, then headed out the door.

…

Three years later, he hadn’t gotten any closer to catching his mother’s killer. His frustrations were running high, but taking up the helm at his father’s business occupied much of his time, so it was no surprise that he hadn’t made much progress.

One thing _was_ happening today, though, that he was excited for.

Jesse had graduated and was coming home from college.

They’d made a pact of sorts three years ago when he’d called her and told her what was happening with the business. He insisted she stay at college and get her degree, but in response she assured him that when she’d graduated, she’d come home and hold up the business while he fulfilled some of his dreams - mainly going to college and traveling for a while. It was too much to hope for, but Barry hoped for it anyway.

Not only was he going to see his sister again in who knows how long – he and his uncle had set up a big party for her return – but there would finally be a turn in the tide for him. Everything he wanted and hoped for would not be washed away by the cruel twist of fate that kept being thrown at him day after day.

He arrived at the train station just as the train arrived and greeted his sister as she stepped off the train. What he didn’t expect was to see Wally hop off the train right behind her, or to see the wedding rings on their fingers when he glanced down for the shortest of seconds.

“You’re married!” Barry’s eyes went wide.

Jesse giggled. “Mhmm!”

“To each other?!”

Wally laughed. “Yeah, man.” He paused. “Sorry for not asking for…you know, permission and what not…it was kind of a spur of the moment type thing. Maybe we could celebrate tonight at Jesse’s welcome home party?”

Barry was still in shock, but now that he thought about it, he couldn’t imagine someone better than Wally for his sister. The way he’d cared for her in the months after their mother’s death had shown his true colors. He was a gentleman, and he cared for his sister, maybe more than Barry had realized at the time. How could he possibly be anything but ecstatic that the two of them had found each other and their acquaintanceship had turned into something more?

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” He pulled them both into a hug. “I’m so happy for both of you. And you know, Wallace, I’ve always thought of you as the younger brother I never had. The other guys are going to be so jealous that we’ve made it official.”

Wally laughed it off, and Jesse smiled adoringly at both the men in her life. She was so enthralled in the moment that she completely missed when Wally announced that his family had found an amazing job for Jesse in her field that she would love…and Barry’s face immediately fell.

“It’s a good job, huh?” he asked, gulping down the emotions rising in him.

“The _best_ ,” Wally said, oblivious.

“Barry…” Jesse tried, tuning in. “I’m not going to-”

“Well then, you have to take it!” Barry declared, meeting her eyes seriously a moment later. “You have to.”

At least one of them would make their dreams would come true.

…

The party was abuzz within minutes of them coming home. Barry and Jesse’s uncle had arranged the whole thing. All Jesse’s friends and family were there, and all the neighbors on the block had shown up with party gifts and warm welcomes to Barry’s blossoming little sister.

“It’s so good to see you again, Jesse.”

“You’ve been away for far too long, dear.”

“May I see the ring?”

Ah, yes. The ring.

More surprising than even Jesse’s appearance at the party was the fact that Wally and Jesse were married now, and that Barry’s supposedly temporary job would no longer be taken over by Jesse West, because she had a riveting job of her own. People oo’d and ahh’d over that one too.

No, he’d be stuck in this crummy, old town for the rest of his days.

In fact, the only thing keeping him from becoming just like every other person in this small town was that he had yet to settle down, get married, and have a bunch of kids to continue the family business. That was never going to happen. That was something he could control, and he was going to control it by not falling in love with anyone. He wouldn’t even give his heart a chance to fall in love, because he’d be buried in his work and his side-hobby of finding his mother’s killer. He wouldn’t have time to find a wife even if he wanted to.

Linda Park certainly wasn’t wife material. She was beautiful to be sure, but she was always surrounded by a crowd of men vying for her attention. Of course, he could have her if he wanted her. He wasn’t blind to the fact that she was always trying to catch his eye no matter who she had on her arm at the moment. But he had a feeling that he’d never really ‘have’ her. You had to have walls up, a lot of them, to be that flirtatious at every waking moment; and as much as he’d seen of her, she was. He had no interest in tearing them down, in becoming that invested in a woman. To peel back the layers of a woman like that, you had to be willing to marry her, and that was something he had adamantly decided he would not do.

Of course, there was another woman; a softer woman. She was warm and gentle and thrilling to be around. She’d make an excellent wife and mother, but not for him. He wouldn’t let himself. He could feel himself being tugged in that direction, by his heart if not his soul, and every time their eyes met – on the rare occasion that they did, because he’d kept his distance ever since his father was convicted – he felt a magnetism on her end as well. It was as if they couldn’t be in the same space for too long or they’d be involuntarily drawn to each other, unable to stop the pull. Like they were two halves of a whole, made for each other.

He shook his head, stepping out of the house and sitting on the front step to clear his head. It was hot inside now, and he could only force a smile and eat cheese and crackers for so long. He was happy for Wally and Jesse, of course, but he was so unhappy for himself and annoyed by the inevitability of being married and setting into stone suburban life that a frown had started to form on his face. He couldn’t let Jesse or their uncle see it, because they deserved better than his pity party.

It wasn’t long though, before the staccato of heels made its way across the porch and Mrs. Jesse West came to sit beside him on the step. He tried to ignore her for a little while, pretending to enjoy the night ambience around them, but it was impossible to keep up the façade. She was his sister.

She knew him.

And if burning a hole into the side of his head didn’t prove that well and good, her elbow nudge into his side did that for good measure.

“Where’s your head at, Barry Allen?”

He made to heave a heavy sigh, but he could feel the sparkle of her smile just inches to his left, and when he turned his head to face her, the frown disappeared entirely from his face.

“Nowhere,” he said, then took her hand in his own and kissed the back of it. “Just here with you.”

“Bullshit.”

His eyes widened at her language.

“Is that what I sent you school to learn? Curse words?”

She rolled her eyes, then pulled their entwined fingers to her chest, propping her chin on top of them.

“Or is that something Wally instilled in you before he married you?” he teased, but she shot him the dirtiest glare he’d ever seen on her, and it made his jaw drop. “I’m kidding.”

“Wally’s a saint,” she said, dropping their hands to her lap. “The cursing was all mom and dad.”

Barry raised his eyebrows, amused. “Oh, yeah?”

She nodded. “Mhmm. They didn’t fight much, but when they did it got downright volatile. Words would spew past their lips that they’d be ashamed to admit to in the light of day.”

Well, that was true, Barry acknowledged.

Silence settled between them, as did the flitting by of memories from their childhood until finally Barry heard a soft sigh slip past Jesse’s lips, and he leaned into her a little.

“I miss Mom.”

He didn’t sigh so she could hear, but he felt the pain in her words just as clearly.

“Me too.”

“And Dad, of course.” She spoke that low, her eyes flitting to and from his, as if she was afraid someone might hear her.

It didn’t bother Barry that she was on high alert. People rolled their eyes at Barry for believing his father was innocent after all this time. But he was such a success at the family business after all, and such a natural leader. Jesse didn’t have that to back her up if she were to be as vocal about her beliefs. And Barry didn’t know what Wally thought about the situation. Perhaps he blamed Henry Allen for Jesse’s pain in losing her mother because there was no one else to blame.

Perhaps…

Well, he supposed it didn’t really matter.

“I think I’m going to see him.”

Barry got to his feet, untangling his fingers from hers as he did so.

“What- _Now_?” Her eyes widened dramatically. “But the–”

“There’s only so much partying a guy can take, Jess.”

She stood to her own feet and draped her arms across his shoulders.

“This is because of the job, isn’t it?”

He looked away.

“I don’t have to take it, Barry. I never planned on taking it. I was just…humoring Wally because he was so certain it was perfect for me.”

“You have to take it, Jess.”

“Why?” she asked, amused. “Because you’re determined to make yourself miserable, and me lifting that burden off your shoulders would keep you from doing that?”

Startled, he looked up at her, wide-eyed and in disbelief.

“How did you – What makes you think that –”

“I’m not blind, and I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.”

“Then let me take the job from you. Live your life a little.”

“No.” He shook his head adamantly.

“Why not?” she demanded, irritated now.

He set his eyes on hers so that she couldn’t look away.

“ _Is_ the job perfect for you?”

Her lips parted.

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Barry.”

“Jobs like that don’t come around every day, Jess. And I don’t think it’s going to stay open for you for four or five years.”

Her shoulders slumped.

He took her hands from around her shoulders and gathered them back in front of her.

“I’ll be back later,” he said, and turned to walk away from her.

“Barry.”

He kept walking.

“Barry!”

The wind wrapped around her, making her shiver, and she realized she’d left her shawl inside the house. She would have to continue lecturing her brother when he returned. He was halfway down the block by now anyway.

“Bartholomew Henry Allen,” she muttered under her breath, and went back into the house.

…

Iron Heights loomed like a dark castle on the outskirts of town, looking very menacing at this time of day. It only required thunder and lightning to make it more so. But for Barry, it had long since been a terrifying place to go. This was where his dad unjustly lived. And so, for all its outward appearances, there was a light inside that felt like home.

Once inside, past one solid iron door and another, Barry finally came to the visitors’ section of the prison where he waited anxiously on one side of the glass for his father to appear.

It didn’t take long. Henry Allen didn’t receive many visitors. In fact, Barry was the only one. Jesse had never summoned up the courage to enter the foreboding building, not wanting to deal with the fact that part of her wondered if the father she’d grown to love really was the monster the media painted him to be.

Pulled from his thoughts by the sight of his father coming into view, all malice surrounding the situation faded away. A smile lit up his face, and he reached for the phone beside the glass at the same time as Henry did.

“Dad.”

“Hey, Slugger.” Henry smiled into the phone, always elated to see his son – and to see his son happy to see him on top of that. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you tell me Jesse was coming home today? I thought there’d be a big hurrah back at the house.”

“Oh. There is. I went to it. It’s pretty much all talk, Dad. Nothing too exciting.”

Henry chuckled. “Except your sister coming home for the first time in four years.”

Barry shrugged but there was a playful grin on his face. Henry wasn’t fooled.

“What’s wrong, son? You and Jesse have always been close. Did you fight?”

“What? No!” His voice raised in pitch, and he avoided Henry’s gaze. “Not really. I mean…”

“What happened?”

Barry sighed, his forehead falling into his hand.

“She got a job. Wally got her one. Mr. West found it for her.”

Henry’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Well, that’s awfully nice of him, considering-”

A lightbulb turned on in Barry’s head.

“Oh, right. You don’t know.”

“Know what?”

“Wally and Jesse got married.”

“ _What_?”

Barry nodded.

“They told me as soon as I noticed their wedding bands when they got off the train. I guess it was a spontaneous thing, but it’s been a long time coming. I just wish I could have been there to see it.”

“Me too…” Henry said softly, and Barry realized belatedly that this probably was a lot for his father to take in at once. After all, he hadn’t gotten to walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.

“Hey.” Barry put his hand on the glass. Henry was hesitant, but he matched it. “They didn’t start getting close until mom…” He trailed off.

“Well, I’m glad one good thing came of my being in here.” Henry forced a smile. “Two, actually. Is the family business still thriving?”

Barry’s hand dropped, and he suddenly wondered if his father had been the best person to choose to talk to about this.

“Yeah.” He shrugged, avoiding eye contact again. “It’s doing all right.” That was an understatement, but Barry wasn’t going to give his dad another reason to gush about what he wanted no part of.

“That’s great, son.” He smiled broadly, and Barry figured he probably knew more than he was letting on.

“And what does Jesse think of you at the helm?” he teased, and Barry wondered if he’d lost his memory. “Especially now that she has a new job. She won’t get to work in your shoes after all. Must make her a little bit jealous.”

 _Jealous_? Barry inwardly scoffed. _Unlikely_.

He really regretted coming now. He was the one bright spot in his dad’s day, but he couldn’t even force a smile now. This was the one topic they would just never agree on. Barry might have a knack for his dad’s work, but that didn’t mean he had passion for or enjoyment in it. He did it because it was necessary. Because the people needed this business, and he’d forever be weighed down by guilt if he let it fall into the hands of Mr. Devoe.

But did he like the work? No. Would he jump at the chance to leave town if he knew the business would be in safe hands? Absolutely.

“How’s Iris?”

Barry blinked, the question taking him by surprise. His cheeks flooded with heat, but he quickly got the pink coloring under control.

“Uh…I don’t know? Okay, I guess? I don’t see much of her these days. Just in passing.”

“Why’s that? You told me she was so helpful to you after-”

“Yes. She was. But…well…” He sighed deeply.

“What is it, son?” Henry asked, concerned.

“It’s been too long,” Barry said quickly. “And I have no interest in getting married.”

Henry was amused. “I said nothing about you marrying the girl. I simply wondered why you’d lost touch after she’d been there for you during such a difficult time. I know if I’d had someone like that, I wouldn’t have let them out of my sight, if I could help it.”

“Right. Well…”

“Did something happen?”

His dad knew him so well.

“Not recently, but…”

Barry sighed loudly.

“I lashed out at her, Dad. After the funeral. I was emotional, and she was so…ready to do anything I asked that I lashed out at her because I didn’t trust myself to lash out at anyone else, and… I hurt her, Dad. I can’t look her in the eyes now without seeing the tears streaming down her cheeks she had that night when I said…” He closed his eyes.

Henry pursed his lips. “Time changes things. I’m sure she’s forgiven you already.”

“I haven’t forgiven myself though, Dad. And I know, I _know_ she wants more than friendship from me, and I just can’t give it to her. I can’t give it t-”

“Why not?”

Silence filled the space between them.

Because Barry didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want to say that everything in his life right now had been pushed on him. He’d had grand visions for the future, and all of them had been destroyed. The one thing he had left in his life to control was whether or not he would fulfill the suburban dream and settle down with a wife and family. Maybe he would’ve allowed for that kind of life in another time when his career and travel dreams had come to fruition. But not now. Now he didn’t want it, and he didn’t want to be tempted to give in to it, because it was like giving in to bad fortune.

Yet every time he saw Iris walking down the street, he was. For all the years he’d lusted after Linda Park, it was Iris West who truly had the power to destroy him.

“Why don’t you visit her tonight?”

Barry’s head snapped up and his eyes widened instantly.

“ _What_? No. I just said-”

“I’m not asking you to propose to the girl. Just go by her house and see if she’s home. However she receives you, you’ll know if she’s forgiven you, and if you can forgive yourself. You need one friend in this town that isn’t me or Jesse. Let her be one.”

Barry sighed. “You are wise beyond your years, Dad.”

Henry chuckled. “Thank you, son. I’ll take that one to bed with me.”

Barry shook his head and smiled.

…

By the time Barry reached the road Iris’ house was on, his nerves had skyrocketed. Everything inside him was uncertain. On the one hand, he really did not need the temptation of thinking about her romantically. On the other, what if she still hadn’t forgiven him for the things he’d said? Iris was generous and compassionate and loving and…

Well, the point was that it was completely possible he’d gone too far when he told her to get out of his life; that she was only making things worse and that he could handle himself.

He cringed at the reminder and felt a knot double over in his stomach. It had been years since that interaction, their last real interaction, but he’d made her cry that night. For something that had hurt so painfully, she could be holding a grudge even to this day.

Of course, he did always sense a forced smile from her when they passed each other on the street. Though he made every attempt not to look at her, he couldn’t help but notice the attempted smile fade into a downcast face whenever he didn’t acknowledge her.

God, he’d been such an ass. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness.

And yet, when he came to a stop in front of her house now and saw her spinning in the most beautiful dress through the front window, his heart fluttered. He had to pull himself out of the trance in order to stomp on his feelings.

He gripped the top of the picket fence to steady himself and make a decision. There was still time to leave. She hadn’t seen him yet. He could pretend this whole walk hadn’t even happened and go home. Jesse had to be worried about him anyway. The party was probably ending soon, and-

“Barry?”

He looked up, eyes wide, and saw Iris standing in the doorway of the entrance to her house. She didn’t sound mad or upset at all, just curious.

He swallowed.

“Hi.”

She waited for more. He waited for his brain to form words. Seconds passed. It got awkward.

“Are you coming inside?”

He gasped softly.

“Are you inviting me in?”

A smile lit up her face, and he thought he’d gone to Heaven. She took a step back and gestured to the room behind her.

It took a while. He was still struggling to function with her standing there watching him and him knowing he was forgetting something important. He couldn’t remember what it was though, so with a jagged step he followed her inside the house.

As soon as he was inside, Iris shut the door behind him. Music flooded his ears, and then he remembered.

It was the music they’d sang and danced to the night his mother had-

This was what he’d tried to forget.

The night he almost kissed her.

“Do you remember this song?” she asked, tilting her head in question.

He looked into her inquiring eyes and nodded, then he blinked as if just realizing something.

“Why are you wearing such a nice dress?” he asked, almost accusingly.

Iris was taken aback for a minute.

“I…uh…”

He felt guilt way him down.

“I mean-”

“No, no, it’s all right.” She walked past him and into the front room where she’d been dancing before. “I was at the party earlier tonight.”

He frowned, and his brows furrowed together.

“What party?”

“Jesse’s party? Or, Wally and Jesse’s, I should say. Wally let me know before they arrived about the big news.” Briefly forgetting Barry’s sour mood, Iris turned to face him. “Isn’t it wonderful? Don’t they just make the loveliest couple?”

Barry swallowed and nodded again.

“Yes…I don’t remember seeing you there, though.”

It was harder to push past his obliviousness this time.

She cleared her throat and sat down gracefully on the pristine couch by the window.

“I didn’t stay that long. I looked for you, but…”

He winced. “I didn’t stay long either. And then I…went to see my dad.”

“Oh, Barry.”

She immediately got up and went to him, taking his arm gently in her hands. In that moment, he knew she’d forgiven him, and he hated it.

“It was nothing,” he said, pulling away from her. “I just needed someone to…vent to.”

“Because of the job?” she asked cautiously.

He spun around, eyes wide.

“Wally told me,” she said, and Barry bristled.

“You two are close.”

Her brows narrowed. “No closer than you and Jesse.”

He held up a finger, beginning a lecture that belonged to someone else.

“Jesse made me a promise. And she broke it.”

Iris frowned. “She fell in love.”

“Yeah, well, I-” He stopped, irritated at what he’d almost admitted. “I should go.”

“Barry…” She reached out for him.

“No, don’t. I…I don’t understand you, Iris. Why do you want me? Why do you let me into your house? I was horrible to you.”

“You didn’t mean it. You were upset. Your mom had just died, and your dad-”

“But I _did_ mean it!”

Iris’ bottom lip trembled, and tears surfaced in her eyes.

 _Great_. Here he was making her cry all over again.

“I meant every word,” he said, despite the guilt crawling in all around him.

“Then why are you here?” she burst. “Why did you come?”

“I don’t know.” He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling about to break through the seams of his sanity.

“Then, go,” she said, sniffling now. “Just _go_.”

And he almost did. He charged from where he was to the hall, trying so hard to ignore Iris crying on the couch, but it ate at him. It clawed at his insides. It broke him.

And then the phone rang.

“Oh, my God, I forgot.”

Eddie, Iris’ boyfriend – if you could call him that – was an old school man. And since the West’s were one of the few families left in the town who still had a landline, that was the phone he always called her on.

Iris rushed into the hall, nearly bumping into Barry on his way out, and answered the phone.

“Hello, Eddie.”

Well, Barry didn’t need this. He didn’t need to get jealous on top of everything else. He slammed his door on the way out.

“What was that sound?” Eddie asked on the other end.

Iris shook her head, dabbing at her face with a tissue.

“Nothing. Just the door. Barry just left.”

“Barry!” he said excitedly. “Wow, I haven’t talked to him in ages! Put him on.”

“Oh. I…um, but he-”

“He can’t have gone far. I’ll wait.”

Iris blew a lock out of her face, hardly expecting this turn of events

“Well, all right. Hold on.”

She set the phone down and threw open the front door.

“Ba-! Oh.”

Her eyes widened when she saw him standing not two feet away on the front step.

“Iris, I…”

There was so much pain in his eyes. She forgave him immediately, but before she could tell him so, she heard mumblings from the phone sitting just a little bit behind her on the table.

“Eddie is on the phone,” she said.

“Oh.” He swallowed hard, as if he didn’t already know. Obviously he’d gone too far this time, and she wouldn’t give him the time of day a second longer.

“He wants to talk to you.”

Barry blinked. “Oh.”

Iris stepped back into the house, much like she’d done earlier, and waited for Barry to step inside. Then she closed the door and followed him to the phone.

“Hello?”

“Barry!” Eddie cheered through the line. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“It’s uh…good to hear from you too.”

“Is Iris there with you?”

“Yeah, she’s uh…” He turned around and gestured for her to come closer.

Iris took the phone from his hand, put it on speaker and held it up close to their faces.

“I’m here, Eddie.”

“Oh, great. I want you both on the line with me.”

Iris forced a smile.

“You’re not trying to steal my girl on me, are ya, Allen?”

“No, no, of course not,” Barry said, a little too fast, his face warming up with Iris right next to him.

“I’m just kidding.” Eddie laughed. “I know you wouldn’t do that.”

Iris held back a snort. She wouldn’t mind one bit if Barry “stole” her away. She rarely even saw Eddie, let alone referred to him as her boyfriend. She was as much “his girl” as she was any man’s other than Barry’s.

She’d always been Barry’s.

“What were you calling about?” Iris interrupted, to get Eddie off Barry’s case.

“Oh, right. I just wanted to tell you about this job I got, Iris. And you too, Barry. You should come work with me. Get out of that crummy little town and get some zest out of life.”

 _Oh, how he would love to do that_ , Barry thought to himself. _But he couldn’t_.

For Iris, part of her heart sank. She never wanted to leave this town, and it seemed no man existed who would agree with her.

“Eddie, that’s real nice of you to say…” Barry began. “But-”

“No, hear me out, hear me out…” Eddie went on to share about the job, how it was in the perfect location, with a good salary and benefits, and the next best thing to traveling worldwide.

But all Barry could focus on was Iris. Her downcast face, her attempt to be social to her so-called boyfriend, and how close they were next to each other. He could feel her breath on his skin and her arm brushing his. He looked at her now as he never had, and before he knew it, he was lowering the phone from between them, and hanging it up on its base.

“Barry, what are you-” She turned to look at the hung-up phone and then back at Barry, whose eyes were now hot with desire. Her mouth ran dry, and she ceased speaking.

He kissed her.

“Barry.” She shivered, and he spread his hands down her bare arms.

“I don’t want the American dream, Iris. I don’t want to get married and have six kids and work in that dusty, old office day after day. I don’t want a picket fence and a two-story house and a dog and a wife that bakes for the whole block.”

“I’m terrible at cooking,” she said instinctively, evoking a sexy, crooked smile from him that made her absolutely melt.

“But I want you,” he said. “I want you so much I can hardly stand it.” He let his hands move up to cup her face, and he cradled her in his arms. “And if you want to marry me someday, I’ll marry you.”

Bursting with happiness, Iris draped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for the most passionate kiss she’d ever dreamed she was capable of. Certainly not with Eddie. Never with Eddie. But she’d dreamed about it with Barry. Oh, she’d dreamed…

“How about we go on a date first?” she asked breathlessly when they parted.

He smiled, genuinely smiled, and nuzzled her closely.

“Whatever you want, Iris West.”

She bit her bottom lip and giggled before answering.

“I want you.”


End file.
